The Changing Family program offers workshops and groups for adults and children -- through all stages of separation and divorce.

Elinor Gertner, MSW, RSW

It's not uncommon to need emotional support during a period as traumatic as separation or divorce, but it can be difficult to find the right kind of support. As divorce is a life-long process, different services are needed at different stages to address those changing needs. Yet most counseling services out there specialize in only one aspect of the divorce process. The Changing Family, a program offered by the Jewish Family and Child Service in T.O., is an exception.

"We think of the needs of families of separation and divorce as being serviced in a department store called The Changing Family," explains Elinor Gertner, MSW, RSW, Coordinator of the program. "Each floor of the department store offers a different specialty service for the changing family. The individual or family can get on and off at different floors according to their changing needs over time."

The services begin where the separation starts, at the beginning. The series Begin Your Separation Well includes workshops that focus both on how to tell the children about the upcoming separation and on how parents can develop an effective parenting plan. "If you begin your separation well, you're more likely to continue it that way," says Gertner.

As the separation process continues, parents are very keen to provide their children with some sort of support through this difficult time. As there are very few services available to children of divorce in the community, The Changing Family department store offers a very innovative floor specifically for children. Two programs have been developed that directly involve children: One Family, Two Homes and Picking Up the Pieces. One Family, Two Homes helps children earlier in the separation process; Picking Up the Pieces assists children later on. Children's groups help children connect with other children through enjoyable activities such as games, artwork, and videos that make the experience fun for kids while they deal with the relevant issues. "Although kids are sometimes reluctant to begin the group," explains Gertner, "by the time it's over, they usually don't want it to end."

Meanwhile, Gertner points out the importance of working with these children's parents, who provide the foundation for their children's well being. "The program helps parents understand and focus on their children's needs and feelings throughout the divorce process," she adds. "Children's feelings are real and intense. It's the conflict -- not the divorce itself -- that causes problems. So parents must focus on what the kids are going through rather than putting them in the middle of their conflict."

It's very important for parents to get support for themselves; otherwise, their feelings get carried over to their relationships with their kids. Groups such as Surviving Separation and Looking Ahead are therefore offered specifically to parents to help them deal with the difficult feelings that typically are elicited by a separation.

"We know that not all adults learn in the same way. To meet a variety of learning styles, we offer different kinds of programs: some are interactive and others are information-based," explains Gertner.

A few of the unique, information-based, single-session workshops include High Conflict Divorce, a new workshop that aims to decrease the damage of high parental conflict on children; Grandparents are Forever, a session to help grandparents maintain an effective role with their grandchildren; and even a workshop about dealing with holidays, birthdays, and other life-cycle events that affect children. There's something for everyone in The Changing Family department store.

Open to families of all backgrounds and cultures, The Changing Family has helped many people cope with their interfamily issues for more than 10 years. Clients have praised the program for being motivating, encouraging, caring, sensitive, friendly, well-informed, professional, supportive, and nurturing. With its full range of services addressing issues from the contemplation of separation to remarriage, The Changing Family will ease your family's transition into a new life with compassion, education, and attention to your true needs.

For more information or to register, please contact:

The Changing Family

4600 Bathurst Street
Toronto, Ontario M2R 3V3
Phone: (416) 638-7800
Fax: (416) 638-7943

Website: www.jfandcs.com
e-mail: info@jfandcs.com

Downtown Branch:
750 Spadina Avenue, First Floor
Toronto, Ontario M5S 2J2
Phone: (416) 961-9344

York Region Branch:
1 Promenade Circle, Suite 313
Thornhill, Ontario L4J 4P8
Phone: (905) 882-2331

• "My husband had an affair, and now he's left me. Now we have to sell the house, which will force my eight-year-old daughter to change schools. Once the For Sale sign goes up, I think my daughter should know the truth about why we have to move. What do you think?"
• "If your kids seem fine for the first year, will they be fine in the future?"
• "What if my daughter says her father is telling her lies about me?"
• "How can we divorce without hurting the kids?"

Professional Forum:

• Conflict & Parenting: Customize Your Post-Separation Parenting Relationship