"How does a joint custody agreement usually work?"

A joint custody agreement is a written agreement where both parents share the physical custody and decision making concerning their child. There are many different creative approaches to working out the details of a joint custody agreement. The most important factor to consider is the best interests of the child, including his emotional and physical needs. You may want to discuss or review the agreement with a good child therapist as well as a sensitive and knowledgeable attorney. Both parents need to be committed to a continuing relationship with their child. The arrangement should permit and foster continuity in the child's relations with both parents. The concept recognizes two committed parents in separate homes caring for their youngster in an atmosphere of civilized, respectful exchange. Each parent needs to be responsible for and genuinely concerned with the well being of the child.

Both parents remain centrally accountable for and involved with the care and psychological development of the child. Joint custody works best when both parents respect each other's parenting abilities, value the contribution each makes to the child's life, and are not at war with each other. The parents need to be able to communicate well with each other about their child and keep each other apprised about the child's development and activities. Each parent must be able to handle the myriad of details and rituals in a child's life, including (but not limited to) mealtimes, homework, chores, after-school activities, and preparation for bedtime.

In a joint physical custody arrangement, the child lives with each parent part of the time, usually at no more unbalanced a ratio than 70% to 30%. It is useful and usually less stressful if the parents' homes are in close proximity to each other. It is recommended that the parents live less than an hour from each other, but joint physical custody has worked successfully in situations where the parents have lived longer distances apart. Some parents split the week so that the child spends three and a half days at each parent's home, and other parents have alternated the weeks or months. Holidays and vacation periods will also have to be scheduled. The child's needs for a proper education, friends, access to the other parent, quality time with the parent the child is living with, activities, child care, and a nurturing, stable environment are some of the factors that should be considered when drafting an agreement. A joint custody agreement should spell out which decisions affecting the child's life are going to be made jointly by the parents. Such decisions usually include medical, educational, and religious topics. Financial support of the child will also have to be discussed and negotiated.

Divorce or separation is usually traumatic or very difficult for a child. A joint custody agreement that functions successfully can ease or even eliminate the feelings of loss that a child may experience.

Sherri Donovan practices family law in New York City with Sherri Donovan & Associates. She has also authored articles for Newsday, The Village Voice, Cosmopolitan, and Crain's.

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