"How can I be sure I'm getting the best possible settlement?"

You can never be sure. You can only be reasonably sure. As you go through your divorce process, you are entitled to obtain the information you and your lawyer need to make informed decisions about settlement. Whether you receive complete information is a function of many factors, including your knowledge of family finances, the knowledge and experience of your attorney, and the candor of your spouse. Your willingness to litigate, if necessary, may also contribute to your spouse’s willingness to cooperate.

Once you have gathered as much information as you can, it must be evaluated with a view toward the law in your state. Your lawyer will help provide you with the reasonable parameters of a settlement. You are then ready to engage in negotiations with your spouse and his/her attorney. In the give and take of compromise, you must always keep in mind what is most important to you and be willing to give in on secondary issues to achieve your highest priorities.

It is unrealistic for any divorce litigant to expect to obtain everything he/she wants. A good settlement is one that both parties can live with that is accomplished in the shortest amount of time and at the least expense. As you can imagine, this is a very difficult balancing act.

Be reasonable, respect your spouse's perspective (even if you hate him/her), and follow the advice of the professionals you hire. Only then will you be assured of a settlement you can live with without regret.

Peter Paras is a name partner in the family-law firm of Paras, Apy & Reiss, P.C. in Red Bank, NJ. He is also a past member of Divorce Magazine's Advisory Board. He can be reached at (732) 219-9000. View his Divorce Magazine profile.