Note that answers given in this section cannot take the place of a lawyer. For legal advice about your specific situation, you must consult a qualified lawyer. See our disclaimer.

"I want to take a kinder, gentler way of resolving our divorce. My spouse seems bent on her day in court. What can I do?"

Unfortunately, emotions run high during a divorce. It is an extremely emotional time for both spouses. Divorce places stress on both of you. She may feel extremely vulnerable and may in fact believe that having her day in court will give her back the control she needs. She may also feel that "having her day in court" will vindicate her. In either situation, nothing could be further from the truth. While court may be necessary in the future, the ability to develop a settlement which both of you fashion and negotiate is the best way to resolve your issues. At the end of the day, you and your spouse need to develop a workable solution to your custody, parenting time, and finances.  Her "day at court" provides only one solution: a judge, who does not know either one of you, will determine both of your fates. Discovery should occur -- and can occur without the filing of a Complaint -- and, if possible, crafting a settlement proposal to your wife, which she can review with her attorney, will place both of you at an advantage. At the end of the day, both you and your spouse -- not the judge or the attorneys -- must live with the result.

Alison C. Leslie, Esq. practices family law exclusively in her Morristown, NJ offices, where she offers her clients the individualized attention of a solo practitioner with the experience of a larger firm. She can be reached at (973) 631-8002. View her website and Divorce Magazine profile.