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• "A spouse has just served me with divorce papers and I am going to see a divorce attorney. I am confused, upset and very nervous about what is going to happen. What should I expect in the initial interview? What can I expect will happen to me in the divorce?"
  
  Divorce lawyer Ronald Bookholder answers: “The role of the lawyer in educating you is a multi-faceted process. The client needs to provide information to the lawyer, personal and financial, that enables the lawyer to understand your situation. Lawyers need to educate themselves about you and your case in order to give you appropriate feedback. Ask the lawyer about the divorce process and what you may expect as you go through the process. Provide the lawyer a history of your marital relationship, what you perceive caused the breakdown of the marital relationship and what your spouse perceives may have broken down the marital relationship, if you know. The lawyer understands that this is an extremely stressful time for you and may make suggestions for you to seek therapy to help you through the process..."


• "Should I withhold visitation from my ex until he starts making child support payments on-time and in-full?"
  
  Divorce lawyer and mediator Douglas Schoenberg answers: "This problem typically occurs at a time when communication between the parties is either about to break down or has already collapsed. The lack of communication can lead the parties to misinterpret each other's motives or actions, resulting in an escalating spiral of retaliatory behavior, which in turn will only generate litigation.
  
  The couple needs to sit down with a mediator, who can help them focus on what they and their children need in order to get on with their lives. True financial problems, resulting from supporting two households, may be contributing to this dispute. Or it may be that the parties are trying to push each other's buttons..."


• "What can I do to help my kids recover from our divorce?"
  
  Child psychiatrist Robert Galatzer-Levy answers: "Explain that you can know something is wrong and that you want to understand it. Then listen. Don't try to fix it or explain it away. At first, your boys may say almost nothing. But knowing you care will open the door.
  
  When you listen, your children learn that their feelings matter. Children only know they feel bad -- they don't know why they're behaving badly. Talking lets them make sense of their own feelings. If they know you care about how they feel, those feelings become more bearable.
  
  Second, talk with your ex. Make it clear that you aren't blaming her or fishing to change custody or visitation arrangements..."

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