"How do I ask my spouse for a divorce?"

There are different ways to ask a spouse for a divorce. One way is to sit down with your spouse and explain the decision that you have made and how you came to it. It is important that you choose a time to talk that is mutually convenient and, if you have children, that they not be present or even in the home, if that is where the conversation takes place.

Another way is to write your spouse a letter (I do not recommend e-mail) to explain your decision and feelings.

However you choose to tell your spouse of your decision, be certain that you do it in a safe way. For example, if you expect the announcement to come as a shock or to be very upsetting, I would not recommend doing it while you are driving in the car. If you anticipate your spouse becoming angry and/or violent, you should consider having someone with you, such as a relative or a close friend, when the conversation takes place.

If you have not had marital counseling and your spouse requests this of you, I recommend that you agree, even if you are sure that you want a divorce. If nothing else, counseling can be a safe place to explain your feelings and your decision, so that your spouse can begin to accept it, and the next steps can be taken. As well, if you have any doubts at all about your decision, counseling can offer you a place to sort out your feelings and make sure that you are making the decision for the right reasons.

Karen Grais Meyer is a licensed clinical social worker with Counseling Connection; she practices in Lake Bluff and Highland Park, Illinois.

Tuesday, May 15
at 8 pm to 8:30 EST
Out With the Tragedy: Turning Divorce into a meaningful experience
with Allison Pescosolido and Andra Brosh, founders of Divorce Detox
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