"My divorce is over, but I'm still upset and depressed. How do I move on?"

Your divorce may be over legally, but the emotion still lingers. Even if you were the one to initiate the divorce, there's a history that may not have been all bad, leaving a mixture of feelings between you and your ex-spouse. You may need to grieve on two levels: first, for the loss of the actual marriage, and second, for the fantasy of how you imagined your marriage was going to be. Some of the most difficult work you may have to do is to emotionally let go and make peace with yourself and your ex-spouse.

Formal grief work takes many forms. Maybe you need to write a goodbye letter or do anger work with a bataka. Perhaps a group-therapy experience would help you trigger your feelings, so you do not internalize the pain. What are you doing to meet the pain? Grief work helps you to digest the loss, forgive yourself and your ex, and to honor the journey you both went through. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and to grieve so it won't develop into a clinical depression. Sadness and depression are vastly different. Sadness is a healthy natural emotion, while depression can be immobilizing.

Rick Tivers, LCSW, BCD, CGP is a partner in The Center for Divorce Recovery, with offices in Northbrook and Chicago. He can be reached at (847) 412-0280. View the Center's Divorce Magazine profile.