If the lawyer is setting a tone in the case that you don't agree with, you could discuss that, and perhaps the lawyer would change how he or she handles the case. However, some lawyers can only litigate one way; others can be flexible with the circumstances. When a client wants a case handled in an amicable manner, or at least not as the War of the Roses, it is important to choose a lawyer who can work within the parameters you set. Lawyers who only can fight wars cost more emotionally and financially, and the client may be held responsible for unnecessary fees caused by overly aggressive litigation.

You may want to take a different approach to the process that the lawyer is not familiar with, such as getting the divorce through the collaborative process. Collaborative law is a cousin to mediation as alternative dispute resolution. Not only does collaborative work entail less hostility, but expenses are shared so the divorce costs less emotionally and financially.

The bottom line is to follow your gut. The outcome of the divorce is permanent, and you want as few regrets as you can manage.